All hail you queens that are dressed in your drag, looking every last bit of incredibly fab as you saunter and sway with your swag leading the way, rocking your bigger is ALWAYS better locks of hair inviting enviable looks and then stares from your subjects wishing to learn how you dare to reign most supreme over every single last glitter, glint and glean while you are dressed in your drag, looking oh-so-incredibly fab. So why not give your loyal subjects what they want? A teeny tiny glittery glimpse and a kind of Your Highness-y hint into just exactly how you do flaunt your Long-Live-The-Queen look from bottom to top:
MAKE ‘EM GAFFE
While you are up on the world’s stage, sauntering and swaying away, you want to be sure that every last face down below can see your sparkle-encrusted dress from your medically-taped and shaped cleavage (we know!) to your polished and painted tippy toe. But what they don’t know and what we’re sharing today is exactly just how you got this way; with super smooth lines and nothing but curves ahead when looking at your hourglass-y shape right on up to your bigger is better hair atop of your head. It’s what you call a gaffe (kind of like Spanx) that acts as a smooth operator keeping everything in place so you worry about nothing else during your act then the collecting of thanks that you’ll receive after the fact.
THE POWDER ROOM
Now it’s time that we spill some of the secrets that come with the makeup-y thrill and the fun of sitting in front of the powder room mirror as you apply every last individual false lash, but we can be even clearer. It’s not just the glued-on lashes that a fab look makes, oh no. It’s so many other things that you queens carry in tow. How about the sticks made of glue or of pan that hide every last brow on the face of a man so he can expertly paint on his own brows of wow? Or the bronzed, blushed and contoured cheekbones that with a swish of a brush now can make a jawline and neck appear thinner somehow? Oh. And P.S. We can’t forget to mention the clever little way pancake-y foundation hides every mistake.
Just like Headwig once must have felt, what with the task of attaching the blond wig she had decided upon and been dealt, we’ve got the answer today of just how to do it, ok? It’s called spirit gum, and every queen uses it when precisely putting on their bigger than big wig; and when you want it off, just use a bit of baby oil to get it off right, but what about some actual styling insight? Well like we’ve been saying all along, it’s all about the bigger than big. Because the bigger and more back-teased and combed that it is, the skinner and tinier the queen looks, and then is! And if back-teasing and combing it isn’t enough, you can even make your wig super curly and stuff. Just use no heat rollers for this follicle feat.
So there it is, from bottom to top, our teeny tiny glittery glimpse into exactly how those beyond fabulous drag queens flaunt their wow. From glint-y little hints like using glue sticks for a super beautiful and drawn in and on brow to something as simple as using some medical tape (!) to make onlookers’ mouths go all sorts of agape; and now the next time you find yourself giving off an enviable look or a stare, you’ll quietly smile knowing that you are now oh-so-aware of just how those fabulous drag queens reign supreme as they pass you on the stage or you see them on the big screen. And don’t worry, they’ll understand if you feel the need to stand, get up and then scream, “Long Live the Queens!”